Today's Mailbag

Today's mail was full of a new batch of Netflix movies. Two physics documentaries and a musical. Hawt.

It pretty well rounds out my random day. Work was stressful, which is a rarity for me. Then on the way home, some hot police officers jumped on the bus. I rode three blocks past my stop trying to figure out what was up. After I gave up and started backtracking home, I saw a crack whore wearing a Strong Bad hoodie.

I may have to go out tonight to see if the oddity continues.

In Other News: NAMBLA receives huge endowment from Mystery Donor's estate

I'm so coining the term "Underage Commonlaw Husband". The forthcoming saga over the disposition of Michael Jackson's estate is sure to be more interesting than the last 20 years of his career!

Unicorns and Retail

Finally, a story that involves a drunken Sunday beer bust that WASN'T at the Eagle!

After band practice, I met up with Jeff and Todd for the softball beer bust at the Pilsner Inn. The crowd was quiet and mellow. Near the end, Jeff spotted a guy he was interested in. I was in drunk wingman mode, so of course I wandered over and drug him back to our group. The standard 20 questions game ensued.

1. ME: What's your name? Damon, he is now introduced to the group
   
2. ME: That's an interesting tattoo sticking out on your forearm. It looks fresh what is it? Yes it's fresh, it's a huge unicorn. Wow. FYI, not the one pictured, I just stole that from the internets. His was seriously, a large unicorn encompassing his whole forearm.
   
3. DAMON: So what do you guys do for a living? He works at the shaving store at the mall.
   

It went on, but let's just say he lost us at Unicorns and Retail. Which, according to the backstory I made up in my head for him, was his point. He seemed to be a unique guy who was very content with himself. A lot of people (OKAY ME) can be superficial about peoples careers. Why not filter those folks out immediately?

We excused ourselves to head to dinner leaving our friend Jimmy as the sacrificial lamb.

Random Bus Sighting

This lady was wielding a ski pole like it was a blind woman's cane. I'm not sure if she was really blind and just having a rough day, or trying to fake being blind.

Company Stock

In a flurry of coincidence, my company's stock came up twice today.

1. After strolling into the office at 10am, my boss came over and asked if he could "grab me for a minute". He took me into a conference room with a stack of papers, which I could see looked HR-y and was addressed to me.
   
   FUCK! I really am a shit employee sometimes. There are a ton of different things I could be punished for! Or maybe it is about what I'd need to do to work remotely on a permanent basis.
   
   Luckily, he just wanted to notify me I was getting a stock grant for my excellent performance. Laziness continues!
   


2. At lunch with my coworkers Matt, Matt and Joel, the topic of initial stock grants came up. My employer gives all new employees stock grants that vest over time. I always assumed everyone got about the same amount.
   
   Apparently not.
   
   For some reason, my grant was triple the Matts' stock grants. And poor Joel, who works in a nearby department, got a quarter of what I received. I did not mention how much mine was. Or that they gave me another stock grant today that was one and a half times their initial grants as well.

I hope it's just a fluke of managers having a certain amount of stock grants to hand out to new employees at different times.

Weekend at Guerneville

My friends Jon and Little Rob rented a house in Guerneville for the summer. Jon and I went up there Friday and Saturday. Most of Saturday was spent poolside sipping bloody marys and ogling the hot cocktail waiter.

Carlos Alzraqui

I went to the "Comics 4 Comix" fundraiser tonight. The show headlined Carlos Alzraqui, who is a stunning little silver fox. It was a small show, so Carlos was out mingling the whole time (very cool).

I rarely smoke pot, but hey, it's a comedy show right? By the time it actually started, I was too stoned to consider standing for an hour to watch it. And I had the munchies that only mini-corndogs from the new neighborhood Quickly could tame. The new place doesn't make food yet (RATS). I left and settled for raiding the local liquor store for Almond Joys and vinegar Popchips.

Easter

Mike, Jeff and I spent Sunday at the annual Easter event that the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence put on at Dolores Park. We consumed copious amounts of beer, banh mi and kettle corn while watching the Hunky Jesus and Easter Bonnet contests. Most of the time was actually spent ogling at our fellow celebrants, but I digress.

WANT

I've been single for almost two years now. I think it's time to settle into being an old cat lady. This isn't my cat. I stole the picture from the Wikipedia entry for "Scottish Fold". But ideally, she'd be this precious. Also, Fluffy in the picture is named "Betty Ford" which is just too cute!

World's Worst Employee Gets Raise, Promotion

I freely admit I'm a crappy employee. I don't work 8 hours a day. Hell, I rarely work 6. But I am extremely efficient and creative which makes me valuable.

This last year was a bit rough at work. I was alone in my department doing the workload of three people. I try not to complain or make excuses. Instead I just ignore the work I find boring. Even with everything going on, I was able to do some really neat stuff that made our clients extremely happy.

My annual review was Friday. I almost cried. My boss was very appreciative of my work and how I handled the challenges of last year. The end result was a nice raise and a title promotion.

Luis

Luis is a personal trainer originally from Venezuela. He is, sufficed to say, smoking hot. We went to Brenda's for lunch and a movie afterward.

We had a nice time. However, I don't think it is a good match. He is annoyed with the smoking thing (which I certainly can't blame him for, I find it annoying too). He has two kids, which would be a problem as I'm not a fan of munchkins. The only thing we really have in common is a love of math and the desire to see each other naked.

BUSTED! Sorta

Big Rob finally bought himself a gay bar in the Castro. He and his business partners have been looking for one for years. They have been close several times, but the deals never went through. Last night was their grand reopening after a cosmetic remodel. To celebrate, they hosted an open bar evening. I got hammered and may have ended up making out with a guy I just met.

The guy I was supposed to go on a date with this weekend was looking at pictures of the event and noticed me in the background of one of them. CLASSY. At least I don't have to make dinner!

Yet Another Night of Drunken Madness

I certainly love my friends, alcohol and boys. However, it all may be getting out of hand. The signs have been getting louder and louder. It's high time I listened to them.

It's not like I'm spending my life addicted to smack, homeless on the streets or giving hand jobs for crack. I just feel like I'm spending too much time carousing and not enough time investing in making myself a better person.

WINDERS

My macbook's bluetooth module died. It has been intermittently losing connection to the mouse and keyboard for a while now. Finally today, it gave up for several hours. So right now I'm reduced to using my work Dell laptop for 5-7 days while I wait for Apple to repair it.

How I ever lived before switching I'll never know.

Supreme Court March

Tonight the gay band marched from the Castro to Civic Center to support the hearing to overturn Proposition 8 tomorrow. Making a lot of noise is a good way to draw attention to a protest. I feel like a more effective part of the message we are trying to send when I play with the band.

That and I'm sure someone thinks band geeks are hot.

Woodlawn Cemetary

This morning I trekked out to Woodlawn Cemetery in Colma to play at the Emperor Norton Ceremony. The ceremony remembers a classically loony San Francisco character who declared himself the Emperor of these United States. The Imperial Court system is inspired by him.

It's a relatively minor ceremony that brings a standing room crowd to the chapel and grave site each year. The attendance, considering the event is held on a Sunday morning at 9am, is impressive. One of the reasons this event stays on the band's event calendar is that the Imperial Court was instrumental in early band funding (in the 70s). I'm proud to be a part of an organization that remembers kindness done to them before I was born.

Dumped

Thomas dumped me last night. He's been making less and less time for me for a while, so I was expecting it.

The odd part is, I'm kind of relieved. I wasn't entirely happy with the way things were working out. Having a boyfriend was making me feel a bit lame and boring this time around. That's not entirely a bad thing, but as we spent less and less time together, it felt less and less fun.

The summer season of debauchery is right around the corner...

In other news, there was this guy rolling the biggest joint I've ever seen on the bus ride to work this morning. He literally emptied a cigar casing and stuffed it full of pot.

You know you live in the ghetto when...

... You buy two boxes of cereal, a snack bag of cashews, cigarettes and some tea bags at the liquor store and think to yourself, "Woo, grocery shopping is done!".

Super Cockblock!

Daniel claims that Bobby and I cockblock him. For the record, we don't cockblock Daniel - we just have different styles.

Daniel (who has the best body of the three of us) separates men from the herd. He will disappear for a minute. Next thing you know, he's making out with a dude in the corner. Five minutes later, he's giggling something about leaving for the night.

Bobby (who has the best hair) makes the infamous "Bobby Eyes". If they have reciprocate interest, there will be some face sucking and/or pot smoking followed by an exit to Snogsville.

To celebrate the inauguration of our first literate president of this century, I met Daniel and Bobby out for happy hour at 440. When we walked in, Daniel was quick to remind us that we are both dating (FYI, the Thomas thing is going well). There was one cute guy in the bar. We finished our first beers and were desiring nicotine. As we were walking out, singular cute guy walks over and just gives me his phone number.

I certainly wasn't intentionally cockblocking, but my ego is glad to know I've still got it in me.

Cuz

My one interesting family member came out to visit this weekend. We weren't able to make it out to Alcatraz, but we did fit in wine country, Union Square, Fisherman's Wharf, Varla Jean Merman and a beer bust. As she was leaving Monday morning, she said, "I had fun at the beer bust, but I could have skipped it and done Alcatraz instead". To which I replied, "Honey, sometimes it's about entertaining me."

Thomas

I met Thomas through the magic of social networking. Of course, when we met, he was about ready to go home for Christmas. After a couple weeks of SMS and Facebook messages, we finally got to meet for lunch yesterday.

Then we went out again last night.

And out again for breakfast this morning.

I'm really enjoying getting to know this guy.

Magnet

I used to wonder what Magnet was. Eventually, I found out it is an STD clinic. This appears to be a common problem for them. Their new marquee spells it out.

Thunder and Lightning

This year's Christmas Miracle: lightning! Thunder and lightning are a rare event here. In fact, this morning's thunder shower is the first time I've seen lightning in San Francisco.

The Chronicle has an interesting article today about how abnormally normal our weather tends to be. In 160 years of weather records, there are less than a dozen days over 100 degrees. Just as rare are days below freezing.

Let It Snow!

With all the crazy snow storms hitting cities that rarely see solid water coming from the sky, I've been day dreaming about what San Francisco would look like with several inches of snow.

It would be the perfect storm. We have no plowing equipment, steep hills and a large population of drivers who've never driven in snow. There would be Barack Obama snowmen, sex club snow forts in SoMa and thirty car pileups in the Sunset.

Stay-cation To Do List

My vacation accrual has become a formidable mound. With the holidays, I was able to take two weeks off work without using up much time, so I figured this was the perfect time for a "Stay"cation.

My to-do list for the rest of the year:

1. Nap frequently and prodigiously
   
2. Lose several days to "SimCity Creator" and "World of Goo"
   
3. Reacquaint myself with the violin
   
4. Reorganize the closet
   
5. Enjoy the lack of crowds at the gym during business hours
   
6. Bone up on my Objective-C skills
   
7. Add some Christmas carols to my piano repertoire
   

I Own At Least 50 Video Games

While not scientific, it is pretty accurate.

Origami Towel Penis

The Squirrel was in town again this weekend. I took him as my "Plus One" to The Robs' holiday party. Dave and Larry, a Smurfy gay couple who uh.. play well with others, took The Squirrel off my hands for the evening. The Squirrel is hotter than ever. It wasn't exactly hard to find him some loving.

Meanwhile, Brent was making penises out of folded towels. There really should be a better build up for this, but there isn't. It was the natural flow of events after many cocktails.

Finally, A Potential Husband

So what if I'm using him to keep me warm at night?

JD Observations

I think the judge in this trial would be a hoot to take drinking.

The mild-mannered yet hunky assistant district attorney is not wearing a wedding band.

I think I met the muscle bear bailiff before at a softball game this summer.

Jury Duty

The dreaded jury selection notice came in the mail a couple weeks ago. As it turns out, their case loads must be very small this time of the year, because I still haven't had to go in yet. And it's a great excuse to work from home all week!